So, my husband and I were listening to Loveline the other night, as we frequently do. And Dr. Drew was talking to a young girl about her crappy taste in men and how it relates to the fact that she was abused, as he frequently does. I had zoned out a little, as I frequently do, and then my husband brought me back to land with a comment about me being with him because he’s boring.
Now, I do not think that my husband is boring. We both enjoy the same geeky things (though I am not a Warhammer 40K fan) and he is frequently the one in the relationship that says “Hey, let’s go to KC and do something.” Which is really code for “Hey, let’s go to those game stores we like in KC, hit up a Borders, and eat at Lonestar.”
Sure, I like to try new things, but mostly the only area where we butt heads on that is food. He likes Hamburger Helper and taco salad. I’m not a huge fan of beef. So sometimes, I want to try out new recipes. But I’ve just been keeping that for nights when he works (I love tilapia pretty much any way it’s cooked). So basicaly, I was confused about why he thought that I would think he was boring.
His example was that I’ve been “obsessed” with making friends and doing other things lately. And I had to inform him that that has very little to do with him. For pretty much my entire life, I’ve been taking care of the people around me. Or, at least trying to. But I have always been really bad about taking care of myself. So, at 28 years old, there are very few people I would call friends, and even fewer that live in the same state as me. I’ve spent more time changing poopie diapers than writing in the last two years. I’ve gotten “fat” (which Iput in quotes because I’m not really that big and I don’t want to insult people bigger than me, but I’m definitely more round than I should be). I eat like crap and I have trouble fitting exercise in after all the things I need to do for other people. So, in response to that realization (made back in November), I decided to make writing more of a priority, make exercise more of a priority, think more about what I’m eating, and to try to develop some almost-friendships that were sort of there, but unexplored.
It shocks me a little bit that he would somehow think that all these things say something about him. I love him just as much now as on the day we got married (maybe even more). He’s handsome and funny, and sure, he likes the same food over and over and he doesn’t like to have a million friends, but that doesn’t make him boring. He does plenty of zany, crazy, weird things to keep from ever being called boring (except by my teenage little sister, but she thinks everything is boring).
So, if there are any guys out there that read this, if your wife/girlfriend/ball and chain/whatever decides that she needs to make changes in her life in order to be the person that she wants to be, heed this. Unless she says that you are one of the things that needs to change, it really doesn’t have anything to do with you. Women tend to be caretakers. Of everyone but them. It can be really hard to find a balance between work, husband, kids, hobbies, friends, and health. We’ve got a lot on our plate. So just relax, and let her do what she needs to do.
I promise, having a few extra playdates, and being more active in a group or two, and taking time outs at home for writing/sewing/music/whatever she does to destress, isn’t going to hurt. It might even be extra nice. Because a happy woman, likes making other people happy too.