I was fired yesterday, and I’m totally fine. In fact, I feel better than I have in months. The actually firing itself still kind of hurts it was so out of the blue and sudden it’ll probably continue hurting for quite a while. Especially if the person that I suspect got the job really did. But I’m not really worried. Or at least, if I am worried, I’m worried about money, which is such a familiar worry it’s almost comforting. But, even in this economy (which they say is getting better, by the way), I’m not really worried about finding a job. I know it might be hard, and even wonderful, intelligent, talented people are having trouble finding jobs. But I’m not worried.
Honestly, as much as I never suspected that being miserable at a job would be grounds for being fired, once I got past the initial rejection, I felt pretty good. I was miserable. Every single day, I wished I was at home, either writing or playing with my daughter or hell, making wallets out of duct tape (my new obsessive hobby). Every single day, I got home and wished I was less tired so I could give my daughter more of my attention. Every single day, I wished I didn’t have to get up early so that after the baby went to bed, I could stay up a couple more hours to write (my husband works nights so the baby is on his schedule. She goes to bed at midnight or later. Just like Sonic).
The point is, I really was miserable. And even though I have been more miserable at other jobs and I would have gotten up every day and gone in and done my job, I just can’t even really be sad about losing it. I woke up this morning and I feel good. Like, really good.
So, my plan is to continue looking for a new job. But I’m not going to be all freaked out about it. Because I have time to majorly, obsessively work on my query, my revisions, outlining my next project, writing whatever I want. And I can make my duct tape wallets and whatever and try to sell them on Etsy. And my husband likes to paint figurines for a war game. So he has some that he can sell on eBay. And you know, I think we’ll be fine. I really think maybe God was looking out for me on this one. I was really starting to get a little tense and crazy without much writing time. I think maybe He knew I was too close to a breaking point, so he pushed me away from it. He’s awesome like that, sometimes.
So, yes, I got fired. And yeah, it sucks to have it happen so suddenly and without any sort of warning. And yeah, rejection in any form is disheartening. But damn. I feel great this morning.