After a year of seeing a therapist, I started out 2010 feeling pretty good. But there was one thing that bugged me. Shortly after Elisebeth was born, I’d pretty much lost interest in our weekly roleplaying game. I’d try to stop going altogether, but my husband really wanted me to be a part of it. So I’d been going, but I hadn’t really been there. Not mentally. Even as recently as my last birthday (early September), I was very obviously disconnected from our game. In fact, one of my birthday presents (that I loved) was a t-shirt that stated, “I bring nothing to the table.” For other people, losing interest in a game would probably be no big deal. But we’re talking about something I’ve loved for since I was 16. And even in my disinterest in playing, I still enjoyed keeping up with new games and looking at new books. I just couldn’t keep focus during an actual game.
But since Nathan was born, that’s changed. We haven’t played much since he was born, because of the holidays. But for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to going to the game. And I actually want to play.
So, what’s the opposite of postpartum depression? I think that’s what I have. Because even with the stress of his condition and our general financial difficulties, somehow, I feel really good.